I am nothing but your mistress queen standing on the sidelines for the world to see a cold rush of blood has overtaken my insides Do what you please because I'm in your grasp no sense of being just infinite lust hurt me. murder me. caress me. fill this hole with pure infatuation. show me a sense of exuberance. no longer do I wish to be so secluded. if its meant to be it will be love. hurt me. murder me. caress me.
"I know that we're taking chances You told me life was a risk"
"So save your scissors For someone else's skin My surface is so tough I don't think the blade will dig in save your strength save your wasted time there's no way that i want you to be left behind Go on and save your scissors Save your scissors"
Got a lot of things accomplished today. Got my photo shoot done and tried a few new things. I love working with Jim he's awesome! Still anxious for the pinup, nurse, horror, and geisha shoots I'd like to do soon. Have to call and see If I passed my GED later. Than I'm taking a trip to the post office..I'm not going to be a happy camper. Took a lot of time on making and sending special letter that hasn't even been sent to him or received back to me yet. been over a week..... total fucking bullshit. It makes no sense to me. Even just thinking about it irritates me. Had a few meaningful things in there for him that cant be replaced..it upsets me that its gone..hope they can find it. If not I'm going to be even more pissed than I already am.
I also have to call back that sports bar I've been waiting to hear from. Stupid economy. I just want to live a simple and nice life...being broke is total fail.
Im sick of being stuck here in Portland most of the time. I love it here but I crave to at least venture other places around when I get bored. I really could care less to go to Augusta as often now. I just need a license. Staying around this apartment day by day with no solid ground on my ass is driving me nuts. By solid ground I mean to be actually doing something useful with my life more often.
This weeks been pretty much blah. Mood swings as usual.
You'd think after all of the things I've been accomplishing lately that I'd be slightly happier. Sorry for being so negative.
A lot of things have been crawling under my skin for a while now. I've been just sucking it up as usual. I'm way too caring for my own good.
I see me giving more out into the world than I've been even getting back. Ive been feeling quite lonely as well. Sleeping alone sucks. I miss having someone to confide in as a partner. I crave love. I hate having a heart. Maybe I should just close up into a little ball like I did before. Depression seems to be getting to me. In more ways than one.
A lot of people around me always say..."your beautiful" "your smart" "your so nice Becca!" Let me tell you something. Im only going to be looked at for my looks, People barely look at me for the brain I have in my head, and I sure as hell have gotten nowhere from being so nice. Hi im becca. I'm a walking fucking doormat. Come on in. Take what you can and break me. Everyone else has.
What a stupid girl. I hate myself. And yes I do legit mean that.
See? I'm fucking crazy.
Had to vent some of that out. Feeling like this lately hasn't been so great.
you know what?
I'm in an extremely horrible mood. going to try and sleep now.
fuck. my. life. "Hey sweetie, I need you here tonight And I know that you don't wanna be leaving Yeah, you want it but I can't help it I just feel complete when you're by my side"
